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Kommentare
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Um meine Philosophie begreiflich zu machen – denn es war eine Art
Lebensphilosophie, wenn man will –, müßte man neben die theoretische
Definition hier das praktische Beispiel setzen, und auch dann, fürchte ich
noch immer, begriffe man mich nicht. Der Gedanke, auch nur einen Moment ein
unschuldiges Herz, das sich mir aus Standes- und Gesetzesgründen verweigern
müßte, in Verwirrung zu bringen, der Gedanke, durch sträfliche
Zudringlichkeit auch nur im geringsten ein Band zu lockern, das Leben und
Gesellschaft fest geknüpft haben, hätte genügt, mir wirklich den spürbarsten
Vorgeschmack von den Leiden und Qualen der Hölle zu verschaffen. Ich hätte
Clarens schon beim ersten bedeutsamen Lächeln einer Julie d'Etanges geflohen
– aus Furcht vor ihren bitteren Küssen. Ich hätte meinen Mantel in den
Händen der verführerischen Madame Potiphar gelassen, und wäre er so kostbar
gewesen wie der Mantel des Elias, der prophetische Kräfte verlieh. Aber
nichts in der Welt hätte mich darum davon abhalten können, mich an einer
Frucht zu delektieren, die aus ihrer Blüte herangereift war und, verschmäht
von der Hand ihres Gärtners, der sie pflücken sollte, mir zusank. – ›Meiner
Treu‹, sagte ich mir, ›sie ist angenehm und süß, und ich genieße sie für
mich, ohne einem ändern Schaden zuzufügen.‹ So tat ich; und wenn sich von
ungefähr der Herr und Meister dazu eingefunden hätte, dann konnte ich ihm
auf seine Vorwürfe entgegnen: »Pardon, Meister, ich plündere nicht! Ich
stopple nur ein wenig für mich auf abgelesenem Acker...